Neunundneunzig

I think I know why I feel so shitty today, and I think I know why I changed so suddenly from quite okay to really shitty. Sometimes it just so happens that the truth peeps through. And then whatever cover you have to hide yourself from yourself becomes see-through. It's why I am usually very fond of keeping control of my feelings, thoughts and actions. Yes, life is a little tighter, but slips are rarer, too. And who needs a relaxed life with possibilities of spontaneity anyway?

How to really confuse yourself:
1) Start to feel better and more at ease with someone.
2) Trust them with trivia and with your feelings. Trust them not to hurt you.
3) Loosen the grip of your wrist around the veins of your gut feelings.
4) Speak your mind.
5) Reply truthfully and openly.
6) Be present.
7) Be committed.

You'll end up in one of your mistakes (if you have ever made any). You'll then realize that what you believed to be solid ground is actually ice. You'll slip forever, and walking towards your goals will be cold, cold, cold and oh so unsafe.

Then again, maybe it was just some fact that touched me without me realizing it (because I have buried concern very well - lots of layers have amassed upon the grave by now).

Plan for this week: Don't let the chaos unsettle me!